Do you ever wonder what if?

I have a lot of What if's... I waste my time on.

Like what if my mother hadnt passed away when I was two? Would my half sister have stayed around? She ran away at 16 with some guy and got into drugs and bad people and a had a child at 17.
I was almost 2 when she ran away. My mom passed away around that same time. So I dont know all the details.
But what would my family life have been like? I would have a bigger family that I would have felt closer too? I dont know... its a what if.

What if my mommom hadnt passed away when I was 13? She would have been 100 this year. She would have seen her great grand daughter.

What if my high school sweetheart hadnt decided that the headaches he was getting were too much and he had decided to go through with the CAT scan instead of shooting and killing himself our senior year. Would we still be together? Would we have gotten married and had kids? Or would we have separated shortly after graduation?
I dont know.

Ive just been in a contemplative mood lately as its been 11 years since he killed himself and its coming up on my 10 year high school reunion.
Just lots of things to think about.

But it also gets me wondering about other things in my life like my job.
I am currently a contractor and am having trouble finding full time employment in Delaware. I like DE and most of my friends are here. However I have a job waiting for me in Denver CO should I ever decide that I want to move there.
I found out today that the job that I could apply for pays 24 dollars an hour.
Thats a lot plus it would be full time with benefits.
However they probably would not pay re-lo. and the hassle of moving with a baby and 4 animals would not be worth it.
But it is awfully tempting... and a what if?

sorry this wasnt a happy posting for a friday
plus you will have to wait a bit for the wedding story i dont feel like going through it right now
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but just so i have some knitting content in here - i finished another scarf. Thats 3 down and 4 more to go. Although one is almost finished i just need to get some more of the same color yarn and another one is about halfway done.